


Let Me Down Gently

by bottomchanyeol, Hunhamburger



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:58:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottomchanyeol/pseuds/bottomchanyeol, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hunhamburger/pseuds/Hunhamburger
Summary: Chanyeol’s dog might be a little too in love with Baekhyun, and Chanyeol is too. - This fanwork was written for round 1 of the bottom!Chanyeol fest [2016].





	

**Author's Note:**

> This became a lot longer than I intended. Thank you to my awesome beta reader for helping me along the way and working so hard during that final stretch<3 you’re the best! Also, thank you prompter for this awesome prompt. I hope it’s somewhat along the lines of what you were looking for.

Some days everything goes perfectly right. These are the days where you wake up bright and early to the sweet song of the birds and the smell of freshly brewed coffee. The days where you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. When you can feel the prickling excitement of having the whole day to yourself.

 

That day could have been this day, for someone who wasn’t named Park Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol rested against the fence of the dog park. He had a venti americano in his right hand and the leash for his Husky, Kongju, in his left. Headphones were repressing most of the barking, but he still felt a headache coming on.

 

His roommate, Kyungsoo, had kicked him out of their apartment early that morning, claiming that he had to start spring cleaning that very instant because “ _Chanyeol. Spring cleaning is supposed to be done during actual spring. It’s already the middle of August and you haven’t cleaned a thing.”_ Maybe he did have a point. Chanyeol’s room was a mess and probably wasn’t going to be cleaned unless Kyungsoo forced his way in. But at six in the morning? Chanyeol wondered if Kyungsoo just wanted to ruin his weekend.

 

Kongju suddenly pulled harshly against her leash and Chanyeol’s coffee ended up all over his shirt rather than in his mouth. He could barely curse before he was being yanked across the park. Bumping into person after person, Chanyeol just barely regained his footing before Kongju hurled herself at a short man near the entrance to the park. Chanyeol looked into his now empty paper cup in agony. There goes his five bucks.

 

He rubbed at the splotches of coffee that stained the white of his button up. A sigh fell from his lips.

“Sorry about this, man. She can be a bit pushy at times.”

 

“Hey there Kongju, what a good girl you are,” cooed the stranger.

 

Chanyeol recognized that voice.

 

“What are you still doing with a jerk like him, hmm? Why don’t I take you home instead?”

 

Oh. Chanyeol _definitely_ recognized that voice.

 

Chanyeol looked up from his stained shirt to see his ex-boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun, rubbing the belly of a happy Kongju. The endearing crinkles that formed around the man's eyes when he smiled, was an image Chanyeol never was truly able to remove from his dreams.

 

The colour of the man’s hair was now a soft brown, unlike the dark black strands Chanyeol remembered tugging on when his soft lips were spread around his cock.

 

When their eyes met, Baekhyun’s upper lip curled into a smirk. That stupid smirk that always had made Chanyeol weak in the knees.

 

“Hey, Yeol.”

 

Chanyeol gaped, “What the actual fuck.”

 

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow as Chanyeol waved his hands in front of himself.

His empty cup now forgotten in the dirt.

 

“No. Um, wow. This is weird, huh? I mean--the last time we saw each other I was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but uh… Kongju must have recognized you cause she literally dragged me over here and, aha, she really missed you...so... hi?”

 

“I definitely remember that whole ‘never talk to me again’ thing,” Baekhyun said as he ruffled Kongju’s fur, “I also remember the way you threw a bag full of my things out the window before shoving me out the door of your apartment”

 

Chanyeol tried (and failed) to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

 

Baekhyun looked him over. Chanyeol felt nervous under his gaze. He swept the bangs out of his eyes, suddenly wishing he hadn’t dyed his hair such an obnoxious shade of red.

 

“You’ve got a little something there” Baekhyun pressed his index finger to the center of Chanyeol’s chest. At this, Chanyeol remembered the obvious coffee stains across his white shirt.

Here was his ex-boyfriend wearing tight jeans and a flimsy navy Supreme tank top that left nothing to the imagination, and Chanyeol looked like the ‘before shot’ in a laundry detergent commercial.

 

“Yep.” Chanyeol pulled at the damp fabric. “This is definitely embarrassing” The skin underneath his shirt prickled as his ex laughed. Chanyeol couldn’t stand the sound of it. It dug up memories that he thought he buried long ago.

 

Something ached in his chest when he looked up to see Baekhyun’s eyes crinkling at the corners and his thin fingers covering his mouth.

 

“You’re the same mess you’ve always been” said Baekhyun, not hiding the bite in his words.

 

“Glad to hear that you’re still an asshole”

 

Baekhyun shook his head with a chuckle, “If you need a change of clothes, my apartment is just around the corner.”

 

Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun. His jaw hung open for way longer than socially acceptable.

 

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, “Well?”

 

“You’re being serious?” Chanyeol thought he was going to pass out.

 

Baekhyun nodded.

 

“You’re inviting me over?”

 

“For a change of clothes, idiot.” Baekhyun laughed as he spun around and motioned for Chanyeol to follow. Kongju was more than happy to pull Chanyeol after him. As he was being dragged to Baekhyun’s apartment, he realized that his own place was only a few blocks in the other direction.

 

-

 

Kongju gleefully trotted after Baekhyun the whole way to the apartment building. Once they stopped, Chanyeol could barely keep the dog from knocking Baekhyun over again. Th small man only leaned over and laughed with one hand patting her fur.

 

After Kongju’s leash was securely tied to the railing, Baekhyun lead Chanyeol into the building. Kongju howled after them, pulling against her restraint in desperation. What she liked about Baekhyun so much, Chanyeol knew not.

 

“Kongju really missed you.” Chanyeol said, trying to fill the looming silence.

 

The heat from Baekhyun’s stare made Chanyeol’s face burn up.

 

“I’m glad someone did.” Baekhyun’s voice sent slivers of ice up Chanyeol’s spine.

 

The taller looked away first, while Baekhyun scoffed and pushed his apartment door open.

 

Baekhyun had moved into a new building since Chanyeol last saw him. The first thing he noticed after entering the apartment was the make-shift home recording set-up visible through the glass panels of a spare room.

 

“Still singing?” he blurted.

 

Baekhyun looked at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “I am. Still dabbling in songwriting?”

 

Chanyeol nodded, wishing he hadn’t brought up the topic. Making music together was what he missed the most, but creative differences were the cause of most of their arguments.

 

“If you weren’t such an ass, we could’ve kept working together” the brunette sighed, bitterness in his voice.

 

Chanyeol dug his nails into his palm. _If you didn’t dump me, we could’ve kept working together._

 

Baekhyun led him through the hall. Beads of sweat formed on Chanyeol’s forehead as the pair entered Baekhyun’s bedroom. There was a familiar warm scent of cardamom, along with a pungent earthy smell that smelled oh so much like Baekhyun and the times Chanyeol tried to forget.

 

This room was bigger than the one in Baekhyun’s previous apartment. It was large enough to fit a full-sized desk rather than the folding desk set he used to pull out when he had papers to write.

 

Baekhyun motioned for Chanyeol to sit down. So he did, right on the very edge of Baekhyun’s twin-sized bed. The sheets were the same classic striped blue and white ones that Chanyeol remembered. The stain from that one time Chanyeol spilled his instant ramen was still there too.

 

When the shorter man bent over to rummage through his closet, Chanyeol tried not to pay attention to how good his ass looked in those dark-wash jeans.

 

“Here. This’ll fit your lanky self.” Baekhyun struck Chanyeol across the face with a deep green sweatshirt.

 

Chanyeol held out the sweatshirt in front of him, “This is new.”

 

“Chanyeol, we haven’t seen each other in more than two years”

 

“Right.” Chanyeol breathed out a huff of air, a slight pain rose in his chest.

 

The ketchup-headed man stood and unbuttoned his shirt cautiously, peering up every few moments to see if Baekhyun would steal a glance. He didn’t. Chanyeol was quite offended.

 

He quickly pulled the sweatshirt on, the bottom hem fell about an inch short of hitting his waistline, but it was better than a coffee soaked shirt any day.

 

“Thanks. I’ll get this back to you as soon as possible.”

 

Baekhyun shrugged, “Whatever you say.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“You never return things,” he scoffed

 

“I do so” Chanyeol countered.

 

Baekhyun side-eyed him, “Then what happened to my blue scarf you borrowed years ago?”

 

Chanyeol was not about to tell Baekhyun that he kept that scarf all this time, and he _definitely_ wasn’t going to mention that he occasionally fell asleep with it cradled in his arms when he was feeling especially sentimental.

 

“I burnt it”

 

“That was my favourite scarf,” Baekhyun groaned.

 

“It was also great kindling.”

 

Baekhyun chuckled and shook his head, “You’re a real shit, Park Chanyeol”

 

Chanyeol shrugged, the short hem of the sweatshirt exposed his lower abdomen. He swore he saw Baekhyun’s eyes flick downwards.

 

Sensing the growing animosity in the room, Chanyeol nodded to the doorway, “I better go”

 

“Here, hand me your phone and I’ll put my number in it.” Baekhyun stuck out a palm.

 

“No need to” Chanyeol muttered, tugging at his bangs.

 

“I’m not hitting on you, Chanyeol. I just want to actually get my sweatshirt back”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes bulged. “No! That’s not what I meant. I already have it.”

 

The snide smile Baekhyun had right then made Chanyeol wish verbal conversations had a delete button. _You could’ve just lied, dumbass_.

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Yep. Listed under the name Asshole”

 

“Wow, how creative, Yeol. You really hurt my feelings.” Baekhyun wiped away a fake tear.

 

Chanyeol flourished a fake smile as he hurried to the exit. No matter what, he was going to get out of there with his last few sheds of pride.

 

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Baekhyun called after him, but the door did indeed hit Chanyeol square on the ass, sending him tumbling into the empty hallway.

 

When Chanyeol came out of the building alone, he swore he saw disappointment in Konju’s small puppy eyes. He sighed and ruffled her fur.

 

“Sorry, Kongju. That’s the last time you'll see that prick,” he said in a childish tone.

 

Kongju whined as if she understood what Chanyeol had said, and resisted against her leash the entire walk home.

 

-

 

 

“You mean _the_ Byun Baekhyun?”

 

Chanyeol nodded with his face pressed into his notebook.

 

“The same Byun Baekhyun that you still mumble about in your sleep on a regular basis?”

 

Something sounding astonishingly like a dying animal came from where the giant was crushing his nose into his pysch notes. Kongju pawed at his ankle, and Chanyeol patted her head.

 

Kyungsoo made a pained sound and rubbed his forehead. “I thought you were done with that guy”

 

“I am! I hate him. With his soft hair, and that cocky grin that he always has. Don’t even get me started on his stupid laugh. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.”

 

The veins on Kyungsoo’s forehead looked ready to burst, “I’m _so_ not dealing with this shit again.” Without further warning, Chanyeol was dragged up and pushed out of his roommate's bedroom. Kyungsoo whipped out his phone, pressed a few buttons, and chucked it at Chanyeol before slamming his door shut.

 

Chanyeol pressed the phone to his ear, “Hello?”

 

“Chanyeol? What’s happening?” Sehun’s voice rang through the speaker.

 

“I ran into Baekhyun two days ago.”

 

“ _Please_ tell me you didn’t talk to him.”

 

“I can’t tell you that,” Chanyeol said quietly.

 

Sehun sighed, “At least you won’t have to see him again”

 

Chanyeol paced around the living room, tapping a finger on his thigh. “Right, about that--”

 

“Chanyeol you really are an idiot.”

 

Chanyeol looked down at the too-small green sweater that he still hadn’t changed out of since two days ago, “I have to meet him again to return his sweater”

 

“Can’t you just throw it at his door and run?” Sehun scoffed.

 

Chanyeol frowned and leaned against the living room couch, “But he was nice enough to offer when I needed it...”

 

“You still aren’t over him.”

 

Chanyeol lost his balance and fell backwards onto the couch. “What the hell, Sehun. You of all people know how messy that break-up was”

 

“Of course I do. I also remember all the times you called me, at three in the morning, sobbing about how much you missed him. Oh, and that one time last year when I had to drive over to your place to stop your drunk ass from sending him pictures of your dick.”

 

Chanyeol groaned and covered his eyes with his sleeve. “That was a long time ago”

 

“I know for a fact that you still have that shoebox in your closet filled with all the gifts he bought you” Sehun shot at him. _Bullseye._

 

Chanyeol sat up, “I’m feeling very attacked right now and I’d like to speak to my lawyer.”

 

“You still think he’s a hot piece of ass,” chided Sehun

 

“His hot ass has nothing to do with this.”

 

“You really have to let go of him, Chanyeol.”

 

The redhead bit the corner of his lip, “I have. I gave up a long time ago.”

 

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that”

 

“What am I going to do?”

 

Sehun was silent on the other line for awhile. Konju crawled onto the couch and nuzzled into Chanyeol’s lap.

 

“Kongju missed him.” Chanyeol whispered.

 

“I’ve got an idea, but you might not like it.”

 

“I’ll take any advice I can get right now.”

 

“I know a guy. Like, a _really_ nice guy. I could set you up, and it’ll get your mind off of Baekhyun.”

 

“I think the last thing I need is blind date.”

 

“It’s your choice. He’s pretty interested in you actually, even after I told him about your bubble tissue obsession.”

 

“Hey, bubble tissues are very versatile and can be used for almost any clean up operation you can dream of.”

 

“Whatever. We’ll be at the usual bar Saturday night if you want to meet him”

 

“Fine.” Chanyeol said, mostly to get Sehun to shut up, “I’ll try to make it.”

 

“Good. Now return that sweater to Baekhyun A.S.A.P. and move on with your life.”

 

 

-

 

 

Late Wednesday afternoon, Chanyeol texted Baekhyun on his way to his apartment. Kongju didn’t join him this time, for fear that she’d refuse to leave the moment she saw Baekhyun, and Chanyeol needed a fast getaway in case something went wrong. He had a tight grip on the plastic bag with the green sweater inside. Sweat gathered on his forehead as he neared the building. His phone buzzed twice in his pocket. It was confirmation from Baekhyun, he was on his way down to meet him. Chanyeol wiped his face with the sleeve of his hoodie and took a deep breath. His heart pulsed hard in his chest as he saw a blur of movement at the doorway.

 

Baekhyun stepped out in a gray t-shirt underneath a blue plaid button-down. Chanyeol thanked Mother Nature for the chill air. Otherwise, he would not have been able to deal with Baekhyun in a tank-top for the second time.

 

Baekhyun greeted Chanyeol with a grin and a wave, and the latter stiffly returned the gesture. Was it a trick of the light, or did Baekhyun look like he was genuinely happy to see him?

 

_Grin and bear it, Chanyeol. As soon as this is over you can go back to your normal life._

 

Chanyeol pushed the sweater out between them. “T-Thanks again” he said quickly, avoiding eye-contact.

 

Baekhyun’s eyebrow raised slightly, “No problem?”

 

Chanyeol grimaced, staring at the ground before spinning on his heel to leave with a curt, “see you.”

 

He was stopped by a sharp tug on his sleeve.

 

“Not so fast, twerp.”

 

Chanyeol internally begged Baekhyun to let him go. He really couldn’t risk being near him for any longer. His heart was ready to burst from his chest and run rampant around the parking lot.

 

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun said, using a soft voice that gave Chanyeol goosebumps. He closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself to sprint, run, move, anything to get away. But there was this little voice whispering words of hope in the back of his mind that was making his escape impossible.

 

Baekhyun rounded to face him, “There was something I wanted to ask you.”

 

Chanyeol felt his body on fire, his heartbeat booming in his ears, he met Baekhyun’s eyes in spite of himself. He realized how close Baekhyun’s face was to his own and held his breath.

 

“I was thinking a lot these last few days.”

 

Every rational part of his brain was telling him to get out of there, to not listen to what was going to come next and sprint out of there at full speed to the safety of his home. The fluttering in his stomach made him dizzy.

 

Baekhyun was biting his lips, “You won’t hear me repeat this, but I actually missed your stupid face.”

 

Alarms rang through Chanyeol’s head. Abort. Abort ABORT. This was not good, so not good.

 

“So I was wondering,” Baekhyun paused to roll up his sleeves, for what seemed like the longest five seconds of Chanyeol’s life. Baekhyun was looking up at him carefully and Chanyeol had never seen him make that shy of an expression before. Baekhyun was usually so confident.

 

“Do you think we could try to be friends?” There was a glimmer in his brown eyes.

 

Chanyeol felt his heart collapse in on itself. How could he have expected anything else? Baekhyun was the one that dumped him. In what world would he be asking for him back? Chanyeol hated himself for thinking it could’ve been a confession. He hated himself for the disappointment he felt racking through his body.

 

He must have stared at him silently for too long because Baekhyun began snapping his fingers in front of his face to get his attention.

 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, especially coming from me.” Baekhyun laughed, but it sounded hollow. “Forget it. See you later. Thanks again.” He waved the plastic bag in his hand and turned to unlock the door to his building.

 

“Yes!” Chanyeol blurted out before sprinting away.

 

The last thing Chanyeol saw before he bolted out of there, was the cheeky grin Baekhyun threw back over his shoulder.

 

-

 

Sehun slammed down an eight-pack of beer on Chanyeol’s kitchen table.

 

“You are actually the biggest idiot I know”

 

“I’m such a dumbass.” Chanyeol sobbed into his hands. Kyungsoo pushed a tissue box across the table.

 

“I’m glad you’re finally realizing that.” Sehun cracked open a can and forcefully wrapped Chanyeol’s fingers around it.

 

Chanyeol took a big gulp.“I don’t know why I even said yes! Then he gave me this coy smile afterwards…” Another big gulp. “It was like I had just agreed to sell him my soul”

 

“We’re talking about _Byun Baekhyun_ , you _did_ sell him your soul.” Kyungsoo sighed as he opened a can for himself.

 

“He has you wrapped around his finger.” Sehun added unhelpfully.

 

Chanyeol pressed the backs of his hands into his eyes, “What the fuck am I going to do?”

 

“My advice still stands” Sehun sing-songed, resting his chin in his hand.

 

“Fine. If you think it will help, I’ll meet Jongin.”

 

“You’ll have to do more than that to get Baekhyun out of your head.” Kyungsoo glared as he sipped at his beer. “You better avoid him like the plague if you don’t want to fall for him again.”

 

“Fall for _him_ again? That’s definitely not going to happen.”

 

“Yeah, cause you never stopped loving him.” Sehun said like it was a clear fact. Chanyeol glared at him. Kyungsoo chuckled into his beer.

 

“I’ll stay away from him” Chanyeol said, taking another swig. “I swear.”

 

 

-

 

 

Waking past Baekhyun’s apartment building every time he took Kongju for a walk wasn’t breaking his promise, per se.

 

Until one day, Baekhyun was taking out his garbage when Chanyeol passed by. He smirked when he saw him.

 

“Are you stalking me? Weirdo.” Baekhyun called out, scrunching his nose up. As soon as Kongju heard his voice she yanked Chanyeol over to him.

 

Chanyeol grit his teeth.“I’m taking Kongju for a walk. Am I not allowed to pass by?”

 

“So, you take her for a walk every single day and just happen to pass by my complex? How peculiar” Baekhyun drummed his fingers on his chin before breaking into a laugh. “I have windows in my apartment you know”

 

Baekhyun looked so smug, and Chanyeol was really regretting ever speaking to him in the first place.

 

Chanyeol shrugged, his palms growing clammy.

 

“You ignore all of my texts, yet you creep past my house on a regular basis...interesting.”

 

“I haven’t received any texts.” Chanyeol lied through his teeth.

 

Baekhyun chuckled and shook his head. “You are such a bad liar”.

 

He looked at Chanyeol through his bangs, his eyes piercing right through his resolve. It was the same look that had been known to cause Chanyeol to drop his jeans in a heartbeat. Chanyeol scratched at his ears which were now the same colour as his hair.

 

How in hell could Baekhyun look so attractive while he took out the trash in sweatpants?

 

Kongju whined at Baekhyun’s side. She was desperate for attention as she pawed at his leg.

 

“Sorry, girl.” Baekhyun said, kneeling down and hugging Kongju. She slobbered on his cheek and Baekhyun wrinkled his nose.

 

Chanyeol laughed in spite of himself. He covered his mouth with his palm when Baekhyun grinned up at him.

 

“This time I look like shit.” Baekhyun said motioning at his attire, “so I guess we’re even now.”

 

Chanyeol licked his bottom lip, “Yeah, you look awful.”

 

Baekhyun punched his shoulder. “I was going to invite you inside, but not anymore.”

 

“As if I wanted to go in the first place.”

 

“You mean you don’t want the grand tour of my recording set-up?” Baekhyun winked at him, _fucking winked at him._

 

Chanyeol cracked his knuckles. “I have to get Kongju back home”

 

“Pity,” said Baekhyun with a frown, “I’m working on something that I wanted your opinion on.”

 

The songwriter within Chanyeol itched to hear it. He never had gotten back into it after their break up. Baekhyun had been his muse. Without him, Chanyeol could never put words to paper.

 

“Since when have you valued my opinion?”

 

“Come on, Yeol. I know genius when I see it, and you’ve always had talent”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “Was that a compliment?”

 

Baekhyun laughed. “You act like I’m heartless.”

 

“Because you are” Chanyeol said with a frown, but his words lacked heat.

 

“So rude.” Baekhyun tsked, shaking his head, his eyes sparkled with mischief.

 

Chanyeol missed this feeling somehow. He missed joking around with Baekhyun. He missed the sound of Baekhyun’s boisterous laughter. He missed the way Baekhyun looked at him with challenging eyes, always egging him on. He missed Baekhyun.

 

“I really should go” said Chanyeol. The ache in his chest startled him.

 

“Aww, fine. Don’t be a stranger.” Baekhyun said before giving Kongju one last belly rub as a goodbye.

 

Something told Chanyeol that he would be back here again soon, and it terrified him.

 

-

 

 

The air in the club was thick, the bass vibrated through his chest. Chanyeol played with the chain around his neck as he searched the crowd for Sehun. He ordered a beer while he waited and sipped at it slowly. He wasn’t about to get wasted before he even met Jongin, but getting a little buzzed would certainly loosen him up enough to make interesting small talk.

 

Chanyeol jumped when a hand grabbed his shoulder harshly.

 

“What happened to not talking to Baekhyun?” Sehun whispered in Chanyeol’s ear.

 

“Who told you?”

 

“Kyungsoo obviously. Anyway, I’ll deal with you later.” Sehun stepped back and cleared his throat before speaking louder,“This is the friend I was telling you about. Jongin, Chanyeol. Chanyeol, Jongin.”

 

A man just shorter than Sehun appeared from behind him. His hair was dark and slick, and his lips plump. When he smiled up at Chanyeol nervously, Chanyeol was reminded of Kongju’s timid face when he first adopted her. He was certainly handsome, with his deep eyes and his clothes hung off of him in the most sinful way despite his amiable presence.

 

Sehun nudged Chanyeol hard in the ribs, and he realized he had just been gawking.

 

“Um, hi. I’m Chanyeol.”

 

“So I hear.”

 

“Well you two kids have fun.” Sehun said before sliding into the cluster of gyrating bodies that made up the dance floor.

 

The rest of the night passed by too quickly. Chanyeol learned that Jongin loved to dance, that it was his passion and one day he dreamed of broadway’s shining lights. He learned that Jongin loved dogs as much as Chanyeol did, and he promised to introduce Jongin’s three dogs to Kongju one day. Chanyeol learned that Jongin’s laugh was high-pitched when he drank too much, and that he really did know how to move his hips on the dance floor.

 

As their bodies bent and arched to the music, and Chanyeol found his hands gripping Jongin’s toned waist, he wondered if maybe this could be a new start for him. Maybe Jongin was the one to pull his heart right from the magnetic draw of Byun Baekhyun.

 

His eyes were pulled across the dancefloor to a short brunette. His heart sped up in his chest, before realizing it was not the man he thought it was, but rather someone of similar stature. He drank away the lump in his throat until he was too inebriated to think about a certain asshole who always snaked into his thoughts.

 

 

 

He spent the next day hovering over the toilet.

 

Kyungsoo tossed a gatorade at him, “Jongin brought this over, he’s way too good for you.”

 

The rest of his hangover was spent dealing with a livid Sehun on the phone giving him shit for getting drunk during his first meeting with Jongin (who apparently was nice enough to foot a cab for him. He really was too good for Chanyeol).

 

 

-

 

 

It was Baekhyun who called Chanyeol while he was two spoonfuls into his cereal one morning. His voice was raspy and thick and Chanyeol felt his body shiver.

 

“Come over.” Baekhyun said. Chanyeol coughed when cereal caught in his throat.

 

“Why?”

 

“Please, It’s a surprise.” Baekhyun’s tone was unabashed, yet with a hint of playfulness that was oh so typical of him.

 

“I’m not just going to come over just because you asked” he started, but the line had gone dead. That jackass hung up on him as if he were certain Chanyeol would comply. He did of course, but that was besides the point.

 

As he stared at the heavy door to Baekhyun’s apartment building and a smile pushed into his cheeks. This whole friendship thing between them was doing awful things to his heart. Here he was actually looking forward to seeing the man that dumped him two years ago.

 

The door opened with a flourish and there Baekhyun was with his rectangular, confident grin that showed off his pearly whites. His hair was pushed off to the side, soft and effortlessly sexy. Chanyeol felt breathless all over again, as if this were the first meeting between strangers that had at first only admired from afar.

 

“I knew you’d come.” said Baekhyun.

 

“You look good,” said Chanyeol before he could stop himself.

 

Baekhyun winked, “I always look good.”

 

“Those crusty sweats you wore last time beg to differ”

 

“Ouch. You wound me!” Baekhyun placed a hand on his heart, feigning distress. His frown stuttered as he started to laugh.

 

“What’s this ‘surprise’ you mentioned?”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes glinted in the sunlight. Without a word, Chanyeol was pulled by the hand up the stairs of the building to Baekhyun’s apartment. At the door, Baekhyun stopped and pulled a long piece of black fabric out of his sweater pocket. Chanyeol suddenly felt way too warm as he swallowed thickly and stared at the foreboding fabric. This was definitely not going to be a good idea. Baekhyun caught his gaze.

 

“Cover you eyes”

 

_This was definitely a bad idea._

 

“Oh, I don’t think so.”

 

“It’s not like that.”

 

There was this expectant look in Baekhyun’s eyes, and Chanyeol just couldn’t disappoint. He sighed and agreed. The cloth was tied tight enough that it blocked most of his vision, but HE was still able to peek out the bottom to see where he was going.

 

“Good, come on then.” Two hands fell on his shoulders, and Baekhyun’s voice tickled the backs of Chanyeol’s large ears. Blood was rushing to his face. It painted his cheeks, neck, and upper chest a soft pinky hue. Baekhyun lead him into the apartment, across tile, across carpet, then through the clacking of a door, before pushing him back softly into a chair. Nimble fingers pried open the knot at the back of his head. Chanyeol’s eyes flit open.

 

The room was bright and beige, as well as a touch on the smaller side. At the head of the room was a large oak desk, on which a large monitor and computer set up, complete with audio interface and monitor speakers on each side. Two pairs of closed back studio headphones laid in near tangles on top of the keyboard. The electric piano Chanyeol had bought Baekhyun for his 22nd birthday was in the corner of the room, with a large diaphragm vocal microphone looming over it, likely to be used for playing and singing at the same time. This was nothing like the living room in Chanyeol’s apartment where they would sing together during times of low-quality youtube videos and convincing Kyungsoo to record for them. Baekhyun was grinning at Chanyeol from the seat across from him, while his hands fussed with the hem of his pullover.

 

“It’s a nice home set-up.” Chanyeol said, not hiding the awe flooding his voice.

 

“With a set-up like this we could actually record together.” Baekhyun’s eyes looked right into Chanyeol’s. The intensity gave him goosebumps. He pressed down the warm feeling filling his gut.

 

“You want to?”

 

Baekhyun nodded, his tongue peeked out of his lips as he smiled. Chanyeol was captivated by the way it swiped over his lower lip before sliding back into his mouth.

 

“But that wasn’t the surprise I was talking about,” Baekhyun said, getting to his feet and pulling out a crudely gift-wrapped acoustic guitar from it’s hiding place, under a blanket and behind Baekhyun’s chair, “I bought this years ago for you, but never got a chance to give it to you. It’s yours if you want it.”

 

The guitar was passed into Chanyeol’s arms. As he pulled off all the paper taped haphazardly to it’s shell, he noticed the initials BB and PCY marked in thin handwriting that was framed by a lopsided heart. He felt himself melt into a puddle of confusing and exhilarating feelings. When Baekhyun noticed what Chanyeol was looking at, his eyes widened and a low flush crept over his cheeks. Chanyeol hadn’t seen Baekhyun’s face go pink since the last time he slipped between his thighs in the men’s washroom of their previous favourite barbecue restaurant.

 

“I didn’t know that was still on there, I swear I--”

 

“Thank you,” Chanyeol breathed out, and Baekhyun’s face flooded with relief.

 

“Try it out.”

 

Chanyeol tuned the guitar carefully, strumming gently for each note. For each proper note he played, Baekhyun echoed with his vocals, warming them up. With a tentative hand, Chanyeol started to improvise a melody. It sounded warm, yet demure, happy but unsure. Opening his soul into the air with every note. It was as if all of the emotions Chanyeol felt in that moment were swimming together in music, and oh how he missed this feeling.

 

Baekhyun’s hand was patting beats into his thigh, his head nodding along as if he was letting himself soak in the music. He hummed along, softly at first, before beginning to sing ‘do’s, ‘re’s, and ‘mi’s along with the tune from Chanyeol’s guitar. It was so familiar, and so right. Chanyeol felt a hard twinge of sentimentality, leaving him aching for the days where being with Baekhyun seemed natural as breathing.

 

When words began to flow from Baekhyun’s lips, syncing to the music, he looked so passionate that Chanyeol’s heart did a flip in his chest. He felt so weightless all of a sudden, lifted up and cradled by the sound of Baekhyun’s voice. When Baekhyun sang, he seemed so fearless, so intense. His expressionate eyes looked deep within Chanyeol, exposing him, rendering him defenseless to the drum of his heart. There was a numbness in his fingertips as they scraped against the cords.

 

The air felt thinner as Baekhyun’s vocals faded away, and Chanyeol’s hands rested flat on the top of his guitar. They looked at each other for a long time. Chanyeol was studying Baekhyun’s face, wondering if he somehow felt just as hazy, losing himself in the dreamy nostalgia from playing together once again.

 

“We make a good team,” Baekhyun said, and his grin chewed its way right through Chanyeol’s heart.

 

Chanyeol laid awake that night with Baekhyun’s blue scarf strewn over his closed eyes, Kongju curled up on his stomach, and the sound of Baekhyun's voice haunting his thoughts.

 

-

 

Chanyeol brought a journal to Baekhyun’s apartment the next day. It was filled with scribbles and lyrics of songs he had tried to write, but never competed. Baekhyun was thrilled by it, asking him questions and adding his own notes in the margins.

 

By the end of the day, they had pieced together a rough draft of a love song. Chanyeol refused to tell a curious Baekhyun who the original lyrics were about.

 

They sang it as a duet at Baekhyun’s insistence. Chanyeol kept his eyes on his sheet music, flustered and embarrassed at his own voice in comparison to Baekhyun’s voice of an angel. Every time he peered at Baekhyun, he was staring right at him with an intense aura and a sultry gaze. He always got really absorbed in whatever he sung, but Chanyeol was bewitched all the same.

 

When recording was finished, they sat side by side at the computer listening to the result.

 

“That went well,” Chanyeol said. The high of adrenaline rushed through his veins.

 

“Very,” said Baekhyun, his eyes passed over Chanyeol slowly. He felt naked under his scrutiny. They were way too close, knees knocking against knees, but Chanyeol couldn’t pull away. His eyes trailed to the moistness of Baekhyun’s lips from the swig of water he drank after they had finished recording.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes were hooded, his hand now resting on Chanyeol’s thigh. His warm breath fanning over Chanyeol’s face. He felt his body leaning inwards, the magnetic drawn of Baekhyun pulling him closer and closer. Then Baekhyun was on his feet and shuffling through papers on the desk.

 

“I’m pretty tired for tonight, if you don’t mind,” he said. The yawn that then stretched his mouth seemed like an afterthought. As if he were trying to prove himself.

 

Chanyeol didn’t protest. He said a quick goodbye, and let himself out.  


His heart thudded along with his footsteps the whole way home. When he walked through the door of his own apartment, Kyungsoo made a snide comment about him looking like a tomato. Chanyeol paid him no mind, and instead locked himself in his room.

 

It was going to be another sleepless night. Their lips had been mere inches away from meeting, but what really scared Chanyeol to his core was that he would not have minded if they had fallen just a bit closer.

 

-

 

Making music together in Baekhyun’s apartment became a regular occurrence as the weeks went on. Chanyeol would swing by when he’d finish his part-time work at their local record store, he’s pop by in between music theory classes at the university, and sometimes he’d walk Kongju over just to say hi. They had fallen into a routine, yet so much was still left in the open.

 

Sometimes Baekhyun would lean a bit too close to Chanyeol while he leaned over the computer, splicing their music together. Or he’d place a hand on Chanyeol’s knee while he played guitar. There was no heat behind the insults they’d throw at each other now, only playful undertones that led to second-guessing. There was something in the way that Baekhyun would look at him lately that made Chanyeol lose his mind.

 

Chanyeol almost forgot why they broke up in the first place.

 

-

 

_Two years ago._

 

Baekhyun came home late one Tuesday night. Chanyeol was curled up at the kitchen counter of their shared apartment with a blanket drooping over his shoulders, and large glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. It had been hours now since the time Baekhyun should have gotten there, and he must have have at least 10 missed calls and 20 missed texts from a worried sick Chanyeol.

 

They had fought over a line in the song they were writing together, but that was before Baekhyun went to work. He couldn’t have still been mad about that. When it came to music, they’d have heated arguments quite frequently, but it was never bad enough that Baekhyun would ignore him for hours on end.

 

Chanyeol’s eyes flicked back and forth between his phone and the window, searching desperately for a sign that Baekhyun was okay.

 

Eventually, Chanyeol spotted the headlights of Baekhyun’s car pulling into the parking lot. He hopped to his feet in a flash. The blanket fell to the floor in a heap, and his glasses nearly followed. After he pushed his frames up the bridge of his nose, he stood impatiently outside of the door. Footsteps eventually approached, Chanyeol recognized the sound of them. Before Baekhyun could get to the door, Chanyeol had thrown it open and captured his boyfriend in his arms. Baekhyun didn’t pull Chanyeol closer like he always did. He didn’t press his nose into the side of Chanyeol’s neck.

 

“Hey,” Baekhyun whispered when Chanyeol pulled back and stared at him. His voice was scratchy, as if he had just woken up from a long dream. Chanyeol saw the sadness in his eyes, he enveloped him once again. Baekhyun tensed at the contact. A few beats later, he caved. His body slouched forward and his hands patted Chanyeol softly on the back.

 

“I was so worried,” Chanyeol said, his voice cracked.

 

“I’m sorry,” said Baekhyun, his eyes stayed trained on the floor when Chanyeol took a step back.

 

“Don’t do that ever again. What happened? Are you okay?”

 

“Yeol...”

 

“You worried me so much, you better have a good reason for not calling me back.”

 

“Chanyeol--”

 

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if something happened to you.”

  
“Chanyeol, listen to me.”

 

Chanyeol looked at him. Baekhyun was staring him in the eyes now, but his lips twitched downwards.

 

“Is something the matter?”

 

“I don’t love you.”

 

“What?” His voice was barely a whisper. He felt hot, feverish, the thundering of his heart was loud in his ears.

 

“Chanyeol, I don’t love you anymore.”

 

There was this immense ache filling Chanyeol’s chest. A sharp, excruciating pain, that cut through him as if his heart began tearing itself apart from the inside out.

 

“You don’t mean that,” he said, he pulled Baekhyun in once again. He clung to him. The hands that gripped the back of Baekhyun’s shirt went numb. He leaned over and pressed his forehead to Baekhyun’s neck. Tears were spilling over his cheeks, wetting Baekhyun’s shoulder. A palm rubbed circles into his back.

 

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun said, his voice was hoarse and sad. When Chanyeol peeked up at him he saw Baekhyun crying tears of his own, his face was red and puffy. His lips formed soundless words.

 

“Please don’t leave me.” Chanyeol choked on a sob as he whispered into Baekhyun’s skin.

 

“I have to.”

 

“You could fall back in love with me, we can work this out” He clung on to Baekhyun, desperation seeping from his voice.

 

“We can’t.”

 

“You won’t even try?”

 

“Chanyeol, I’ve been thinking about this decision for a really long time.”

 

Chanyeol threw himself backwards. He was sniveling, mortified, and oh so heartsick, and Baekhyun was _done trying._

 

“I’ve done nothing but try to make us work, Baekhyun.”

 

“This isn’t about you.”

 

“Then who’s it about? You’re breaking my heart. Of course it’s about me. I’ve done everything for you. I apologize to you even when it’s not my fault. I clean up after you. I put aside all my frustration when I see that you’re upset, and do everything I can to help you. I’ve done nothing but worry about you and your feelings, and you’ve never been considerate of mine.” He was pacing haphazardly, his voice becoming louder with every word. Baekhyun stared at him, angry and silent.

 

Chanyeol stopped and stared back with narrowed eyes,“I sat here, waiting for you, for three hours, Baekhyun. _Three hours._ Worried sick to my stomach. And you show up to break up with me?”

 

Baekhyun breathed out harshly through his nose, “I need to figure things out on my own.”

 

“I’ve been nothing but selfless in this relationship, I’ve never asked for anything in return. Not a thing! I’ve done nothing to make you stop loving me.” He kicked over the chair he had been sitting on previously. His veins were on fire. The rushing of blood rumbling in his ears.

 

“Look, I don’t want this to hurt any more than it needs to.”

 

“Oh, well, it’s too fucking late for that, isn’t it? Because this fucking hurts, Baekhyun.”

 

“I know it does!” Baekhyun shouted, “it’s hurting me too.”

 

Chanyeol gaped at him for a moment, his eyes wide. Then, he stalked off to their room, pulled out a large black suitcase, and began slinging all of Baekhyun’s belongings inside.

 

Baekhyun sighed. “Stop, Chanyeol, I can pack my own things”

 

Chanyeol looked him directly in the eye, left the suitcase unzipped, then walked up to their open bedroom window.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Chanyeol heaved, and the suitcase tumbled through the window. Baekhyun’s belongings spewed in all directions as they descended to the apartment lawn.

 

“Nice.” Baekhyun said as he exhaled. He held his head in his hands, looking irritated, and worn out.

 

“Get out.” Chanyeol demanded. When Baekhyun didn’t move, he pointed stiffly to the door.

 

“Can’t you just wait one second?” Baekhyun massaged his temple.

 

Chanyeol held Baekhyun by the shoulders and shoved him through the door. The shorter man nearly lost his footing.

 

“I never want to see you again.” Chanyeol said, he held his ground with a slam of the door.

 

He half expected Baekhyun to start knocking, sobbing for Chanyeol to open the door and talk to him once more before he’d go. But there was nothing, just the sound of Chanyeol’s heavy breathing as it stretched his lungs

 

He sat against the door for what felt like a long time. He opened the door when he couldn’t take it any longer. Maybe Baekhyun was on the other side, holding on for one last moment. But the hallway was empty.

 

Days passed, and Chanyeol found himself in bed more often than not. Weeks passed, and Chanyeol found himself calling Sehun, crying and begging for help. Months passed, and Chanyeol typed out millions of words he’d never send to a phone contact he had renamed.

 

Years passed, and Chanyeol thought he was finally okay. He moved on, dated a guy named Kris for about six months. But he never could fully shake the feeling of loss in his life. He always found himself still seeing Baekhyun out of the corner of his eye everywhere he went.

 

-

_Present._

 

It was late one autumn night when Chanyeol arrived at Baekhyun’s apartment. He was wearing a dark band T-shirt from his shift, and tight jeans. Baekhyun was wearing his glasses and had already slipped into his nightwear, a loose white shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. There was something about the utterly effortless look that Baekhyun was sporting that made Chanyeol blush. Seeing him in such a languid state, that felt so intimate. He hadn’t seen Baekhyun in pajamas since their break up.

 

“Let’s take a break today” Baekhyun said, stretching his arms above his head. Chanyeol could tell from the scratch of his voice that Baekhyun had already been singing for awhile before Chanyeol got there.

 

“Sure” he agreed with a slight nod. He closed the apartment door behind him with a nudge.

 

“I have Deadpool on my laptop if you’re up for it?”

 

 

 

They ended up sitting sideways on Baekhyun’s bed. Chanyeol’s legs fell over the edge, which made Baekhyun laugh much to Chanyeol’s chagrin.

 

At first they were simply side-by-side, their thighs barely brushing. About thirty minutes into the movie, Baekhyun’s right leg had managed to slide over Chanyeol’s left. After an hour they were tangled together, Chanyeol’s head was on Baekhyun’s shoulder, his arm draped over his waist, and his fingers weaved in the soft fabric of his shirt shirt.

 

His eyes began to droop, despite his efforts to hold out for the ending credits. He nodded off to the feeling of Baekhyun’s palm rubbing comforting circles into his hip, and what felt like lips pressing into his temple.

 

Chanyeol woke to a tangy, earthy smell, along with the warm feeling of Baekhyun’s breath tickling his nose. Soft tresses of brown hair fell over Baekhyun’s closed eyes. Drool dripped from Baekhyun’s lips and pooled on the pillow they had shared through the night. His nose whistled as he breathed in and out. Everything just seemed so right, and Chanyeol couldn’t suppress a giddy smile. A rush of warmth fell over him, his heart thudding in his chest. It felt surreal, as if the last two years of separation between them never occurred.

 

He was brought to reality by the obnoxious ringing of his phone. Baekhyun flinched, and his eyes fluttered open at the sound.

 

“Sorry.” Chanyeol excused himself and slipped out of the bedroom. Baekhyun slipped back into sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

“You better not be with Baekhyun right now” Kyungsoo’s voice rang loud through the receiver. Chanyeol could picture the scowl he was making.

 

“I’m... not currently with him,” Chanyeol said, tapping a finger on his hip. He wasn’t exactly lying per se.

 

Kyungsoo sighed loudly, “Jongin popped by to see how you were doing since you haven’t bothered to call him after you drank yourself stupid at the bar last month.”

 

“Right, about that…” Chanyeol glanced at the closed door that separated himself and a sleeping Baekhyun, “You know I think I actually--”

 

“Stop.”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t you dare tell me you want to try things with Baekhyun again.”

 

“That’s--”

 

“Chanyeol, just... Please be careful.”

 

Chanyeol swallowed, “I will.”

 

“Talk to him at least. Knowing you, it hasn’t even been brought it up yet. You do recall he said he wanted to be _friends_ with you right?”

 

Chanyeol felt an ache in his chest, Kyungsoo was right. Baekhyun did say _friends_ , and never once said anything about trying for something more. Baekhyun was the one to break Chanyeol’s heart years ago, he was the one that told Chanyeol he no longer loved him. Why would Baekhyun suddenly want to be together with him again? Chanyeol was the one still hung up on the past, imagining that there was something more to Baekhyun’s smile. Just as Sehun had said, Chanyeol never did fall out of love with Byun Baekhyun.

 

“I just don’t want to see your heart broken again.” Kyungsoo said when Chanyeol stayed silent.

 

“I know.” said Chanyeol, trying to keep the grief from his voice.

 

They said their goodbyes after Kyungsoo made Chanyeol promised he would give Jongin a call later on to apologize.

 

Chanyeol paced in Baekhyun’s kitchen, his mind a whirl of possibilities and ‘what if’s’. There was an obnoxious pit in his stomach that he just could not put to rest. Kyungsoo’s words unnerved him. As they spent more and more time together, Chanyeol had forgotten that Baekhyun only saw him as a friend. He had been projecting his own feelings, reading too deeply into every subtle touch or lick across lips.

 

The door to Baekhyun’s room never looked so menacing. He couldn’t face Baekhyun with his heart ready to burst. He would talk to him, just not now.

 

He hadn’t the heart to leave without a word, so he grabbed some scrap paper and jotted down a few words, lying about having a shift at work to go to and adding a smiley face for good measure.

 

“I will talk to him. I definitely will” he whispered to himself as he slipped through the door of the apartment building into the cold autumn air.

 

-

 

Chanyeol didn’t talk to him. Instead, he talked about everything _but_ the elephant in the room. He asked him question after question, relearning everything about him, and new things he hadn’t known before. He began to realize how much Baekhyun had changed in their time away from each other, how much Baekhyun had grown up. He had been so focused on the nostalgia of his ex-boyfriend Baekhyun, that he neglected noticing all of the different parts about him.

 

He learned that Baekhyun realized that music was his passion and that he wanted to pursue it seriously. He learned that Baekhyun wanted to own his own dog, but figured he couldn’t afford it. He learned that Baekhyun studied in the United States for a year while they were apart.

 

There were new things about Baekhyun. He had different mannerisms, a lot less flailing of his hands and more direct motions when he was trying to be specific. Chanyeol wondered if there were new things about himself as well, new things that Baekhyun is noticing and collecting in the recesses of his mind.

 

Though when Baekhyun would hide his arms in his pull-over then fail empty sleeves at Chanyeol, or when he was excited his gyeonggi dialect would appear, Chanyeol knew this was the same Baekhyun he had always known.

 

-

 

There was a cafe, a hole in the wall within the hustle and bustle of downtown Seoul streets, where Baekhyun had once brought Chanyeol on one of their not-quite-a-date dates before they had established their relationship back then. It was here that Chanyeol had chugged his smoothie due to nerves, Baekhyun made a stupid joke, and Chanyeol’s strawberry smoothie came spurting across the table from out his nostrils when he laughed. Kongju then proceeded to relieve himself on Baekhyun’s pant leg when they tried to say their farewells. So it came as a shock when Baekhyun asked Chanyeol to join him there one cold Sunday afternoon in November.

 

“I thought only retirees went for afternoon tea?” he said, earning himself a smack on the arm from Baekhyun.

 

“Are you coming or not?”

 

“I don’t like making a habit of snorting strawberry smoothie up my nose.”

 

“Then don’t be an idiot.”

 

“Then don’t make me laugh.”

 

“Impossible.” Baekhyun said. An exaggerated wink fluttered from his right eye, aimed right for Chanyeol’s heart. Chanyeol pretended to get hit with a hand flying to his chest.

 

They ended up across from one another in a snug booth near the back of the coffee shop. The maroon seats were well worn since the time they had been there last. Small tears were splitting through the leather fabric.

 

Their waiter was the same as all those years ago. A man with the eyes of a feline and a knowing smile. He patted Baekhyun on the back when he came to their table. There was this a kind of flirtatious friendliness that dug a spear right through Chanyeol’s stomach.

 

“Guess I know where you’ve been up to while you’ve been away.” The man grinned like the Cheshire Cat himself, and playfully ruffled Baekhyun’s hair.

 

Baekhyun smiled up at him, “Missed me?”

 

“Not as much as your generous tipping.” Jongdae winked.

 

“As if.”

 

Chanyeol cleared his throat. Baekhyun’s eyes flicked over to him and his smile softened.

 

“This is Jongdae, a…um, a good friend of mine, he’s worked here for years.”

 

Chanyeol lips parted in what he hoped looked like a polite smile. It must have worked as Jongdae responded with his own bright grin.

 

“And this is Chanyeol, my...” Baekhyun paused and scratched at his nose, “Well, he’s my-”

 

“I remember Chanyeol.” Jongdae said as his hand gripped Baekhyun’s shoulder. The white of his teeth was blinding, “It’s nice to formally meet you”

 

“Likewise.” Chanyeol said through a clenched jaw.

 

Baekhyun ordered a strawberry smoothie for Chanyeol before he could protest, and grinned like the sly devil he was. It came to their table with two bendy straws and Chanyeol flushed at Jongdae’s assumption.

 

When Baekhyun dipped in to drink at the same time as him, he tried to his damndest to ignore the proximity of their faces. Bubbles were blown violently into the drink when Chanyeol felt something soft creep up his leg. Baekhyun smirked around his straw. With a slight shake of his head, he kept drinking, determined to not let it phase him. He choked when Baekhyun’s toes crept up his inner thigh.

 

Dark, full blown pupils were staring at him with such intensity that Chanyeol’s thighs parted themselves. There was an ache surfacing within him that he had held down for way too long. The afternoon sunlight highlighted Baekhyun’s bare and flexing arms and shoulders as he leaned over the table.

 

They raced to drink the very last sip. Of course Baekhyun beat him to it. The straw slipped from Baekhyun’s mouth as he sat back. Chanyeol watched a drip of saliva begin to leak over his chin before Baekhyun’s tongue caught it and swirled back between his lips. That tongue could do the most shameful things.

 

Baekhyun slipped out of his chair, his eyes beckoned Chanyeol to follow. It was hard not to. Chanyeol lingered behind him, uncertain but entranced by the way Baekhyun would smile as he looked back over his shoulder. His hand was squeezed between two palms as Baekhyun leaned back against the rotating door to the men's room.

 

The yellowing bathroom title was a sheet of ice against Chanyeol's back when Baekhyun backed him against it. Baekhyun stared at him, close but not close enough.

 

“Is this okay?” he whispered. Chanyeol could feel gentle heat of his breath.

 

“Yeah.” Chanyeol breathed, his eyes followed Baekhyun’s hovering hands. They were inches from his waist. Curling and uncurling. Aching to touch.

 

“Look at me.”

 

Chanyeol did, and Baekhyun's gaze held the softness of a Sunday afternoon. Chanyeol's cheeks warmed as his heart did somersaults. Baekhyun had always doted on Chanyeol. Always made sure he was comfortable. Beneath his snide comments and impish grin, Baekhyun was a softy.

 

“Is this okay?” Baekhyun repeated.

 

“Yes,” Chanyeol whispered.

 

And Baekhyun was on the tips of his toes in a heartbeat, with his lips pressed into crevice of Chanyeol’s neck. Trails of red fireworks blossomed across Chanyeol’s skin. Chanyeol’s head hit the tile. Palms trailed up the sides of his t-shirt, felt over his chest, and grabbed at his hips. Lithe fingers were tugging at his waistband and Chanyeol flushed when his arousal became obvious. Cheeky Baekhyun reappeared with a teasing bite to the skin beneath Chanyeol’s chin.

 

Chanyeol’s head spun as he breathed in Baekhyun’s scent, an intoxicating spice that warmed him from the inside-out. Baekhyun smelt like the fall. A breeze of brown sugar and maple, sticky and syrupy, then the spicy notes of cinnamon and cardamom that left Chanyeol reeling. Baekhyun was the strong cup of coffee on a brisk autumn morning, and Chanyeol was hooked.

 

The button of his jeans popped undone and Baekhyun wasted no time slipping his hand down his briefs. His dark eyes watched Chanyeol as his lips fell apart and his thighs jumped. Baekhyun’s fingers felt familiar they as curled around his length. A feeling that, for years, Chanyeol had only experienced in the privacy of his most salacious dreams.

 

Breaths heaved from his chest. Shaking knees barely held him up as Baekhyun lifted his shirt and dropped down to run a tongue around his belly button.

 

Chanyeol's cheeks were hot. His bangs stuck to the damp skin of his forehead. It was near impossible to stop his hands from shaking. Baekhyun's teasing tongue moved down his pelvis. Not close enough. Fingers crept up the back of his leg before squeezing the plump of his ass. One finger drifted dangerously close to the puckering of his asshole, making taunting circles around it before pulling back. Pink lips pulled apart, mere centimetres away from encasing him in their sweet, wet, warmth.

 

The men's room door slammed open. Chanyeol yanked down his shirt to cover himself and the kneeling brunette glared at the open door.

 

“Should have known.” Jongdae leered from the doorway, his hand was balled into a fist at his side. His eyes fell on Chanyeol’s flushed face and he smirked. Baekhyun laid his head on Chanyeol's exposed thigh. Chanyeol made a small embarrassed noise and tugged his jeans up.

 

“Should have minded your own business,” said Baekhyun, his fingers drummed on Chanyeol’s calf.

 

“What can I say? I’m a curious guy.”

 

Baekhyun swept a hand over his face, sighed, and pointed to the door, “Out.”

 

Jongdae shrugged, “Right, well... I’ll see you Tuesday night.” His eye twisted in a wink, and the door fell closed.

 

After fully tucking himself back into the safety of his briefs and jeans, Chanyeol leaned sideways against one the rusted sinks. He hid his trembling hands behind his back.

 

“Tuesday night?” Chanyeol said, scratching at the bridge of his nose to cover the redness he knew had spread there.

 

Baekhyun snorted and fixed his bangs in the tinted mirrors. Of course, Chanyeol thought Baekhyun looked fine with his hair in a tousle.

 

“Don’t worry about Jongdae, he’s an ass” Baekhyun said.

 

“I thought I was an ass.”

 

“Of a different sort.” Baekhyun winked at him through the mirror. There was a kind of secret fondness in his eyes.

 

“Sounds like you’re falling for me.” Chanyeol blurted. A second passed, then his eyes widened. _Shit._

 

Baekhyun’s smile fell from his face as he watched Chanyeol’s reflection.

 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

 

Then, Baekhyun smiled. It was too bright, blinding really, and Chanyeol nearly slipped off the sink.

 

“Let’s get out of here, I’ll take care of the check.” Baekhyun said and threw open the bathroom door. He didn’t make eye contact once before Chanyeol reluctantly turned to head home.  

 

-

 

Baekhyun didn’t answer his calls, nor the hundreds of texts Chanyeol regretted sending. Chanyeol once tried to avoid Baekhyun, and yet here he was losing sleep over Baekhyun’s evasion. He would’ve laughed if his lungs hadn’t felt so heavy.

 

His head hit the pillow. Kongju crawled up on his chest and blinked at him. She was heavy, but Chanyeol didn’t mind. Morning sun was streaming soft yellow light through the curtains.

 

Chanyeol felt a familiar feeling boiling in his gut. He was in love with Baekhyun. Madly, deeply, hopelessly in love. And he was losing him all over again.

 

He couldn’t call Sehun. He couldn’t bother him with this again. And Kyungsoo, well Kyungsoo would undoubtedly through it in his face with a bitter, “told you so”

 

Chanyeol looked into Kongju’s large eyes, “You understand don’t you, Kongju?”

 

Kongju’s head tilted.

 

“I don’t think we’re going to see Baekhyun again.”

 

Kongju jumped up at the mention at Baekhyun’s name and rolled around on the bed. Her tailed batted back and forth and nearly smacked into Chanyeol’s chin. Chanyeol’s heart hurt for his poor pup.

 

“No Kongju, we _aren’t_ going to see Baekhyun.”

 

Kongju started to race around the room, pausing only to jump back on the bed and paw at Chanyeol’s legs. Chanyeol called to her, tried to pacify her with a soft voice, but she kept flying around the room and scratching at the bedroom door.

 

It took ages for her to calm down, whimpering quietly at Chanyeol’s side and nudging at his arms. Chanyeol wasn’t the only one missing Baekhyun.

 

-

 

When Chanyeol stumbled into his apartment after work one brisk Monday evening, he found Jongin was nursing a mug of coffee at the dining table. Kyungsoo sat across from him and glared at Chanyeol over his own cup of ginger tea. Kongju then came spiraling out of his room and hopped up to welcome Chanyeol home. Jongin lit up when he noticed Chanyeol. Chanyeol did his best to return his smile. He couldn’t help thinking Jongin looked a lot like his giddy puppy at that moment.

 

“Jongin was worried about you.” said Kyungsoo. Jongin’s eyes widened before he laughed nervously into his dark roast. Chanyeol wet his lips.

 

“Sorry, I meant to call you, to thank you for everything.” Chanyeol said. He moved to the kitchen, grabbed a bowl and filled it with chips. He dropped a chip for Kongju before taking a seat at the table.

 

“No need,” Jongin said, his face was turning a pinky hue. Chanyeol took a deep breath.

 

“I’m leaving.” Kyungsoo stalked to the kitchen and dumped half a cup of tea down the drain. He then gave Chanyeol a ‘you-better-not-fuck-this-up’ look and retreated to his room.

 

Chanyeol recalled his stupid comment about Baekhyun falling for him. Little did Kyungsoo know Chanyeol already fucked everything up.

 

“Is he okay? Jongin’s eyes were on the closed door to Kyungsoo’s room.

 

Chanyeol snorted, “Kyungsoo’s never okay.”

 

Jongin spun his empty cup on the table, “He seemed fine earlier. He showed me his manga collection.”

 

Chanyeol frowned, then shrugged, “Well, he’s not happy with me”

 

“I’m happy with you,” Jongin said, his soft smile made Chanyeol feel sick. He didn’t deserve to be sought after by someone so kind.

 

“You say that now.”

 

Jongin laughed and touched Chanyeol’s forearm. Chanyeol tried to play off his impulsive grimace as a smile. His leg buzzed. An escape. Chanyeol whipped out his phone, motioned an apology to Jongin as he got to his feet, and hit the green answer button on his smart phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Yeol.”

 

Chanyeol shuddered at the nickname. _Baekhyun._

 

“Oh, hey…” Chanyeol peered over at Jongin, who grinned and tilted his head when he caught his gaze, “What’s the emergency?”

 

“Emergency? There isn’t one.” Baekhyun said. Chanyeol could hear him tapping his fingers on the other end. Finally Baekhyun sighed, “Look, do you have time to talk?”

 

“Of course,” Chanyeol said. He tried to make his voice sound serious, lest Jongin find out he interrupted their chat just to talk to the ex he was supposed to have forgotten about.

 

Baekhyun’s breath crackled over the speaker. “Okay.”

 

Chanyeol fended off his hyperactive pup, who pawed at his leg.

 

“I wanted to make something clear with you.”

 

Chanyeol wiped the sweat from his palms onto his pant leg and leaned down to ruffle Kongju’s fur.

 

“Clarity is good.”

 

“Right, well. Actually, I wanted to talk about _us.”_

 

“Me too.”

 

“You remember when I asked if you wanted to be friends right?”

 

“I remember.”

 

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot actually.”

 

“I have too.”

 

“I wanted to apologize.”

 

Chanyeol grabbed his Kermit the Frog mug from the cupboard and filled it with lukewarm coffee. “What for?”

 

“A few weeks ago, in the bathroom. We shouldn't have…Well, what I mean is...” Baekhyun’s breath came out in a shaky crackle. “Look, I don’t intend to get back together with you.”

 

Chanyeol’s mug slipped out of his hand and smashed onto the kitchen floor. Kongju scattered into the living room, barking madly. Jongin flew up from his chair and rushed to grab Chanyeol’s free arm. The tall man stared at the tawny mess flooding the breaks in the tile. The split face of Kermit the Frog stared back at him sadly.

 

Kyungsoo burst from his room and ran to Chanyeol’s side with a frown. He then began clearing away the mess at his feet.

 

“Chanyeol..? What happened?” Jongin asked in exasperation as he turned Chanyeol by the shoulder. Chanyeol held his forehead with his free hand, the other clutched onto his phone.

 

“Look, I know that’s not what you wanted to hear.” Baekhyun’s voice was meek.

 

Chanyeol stretched his lips into a grin. “What gave you that idea? I understand completely. Have a nice evening.” He hung up.

 

Kyungsoo dumped the rest of the broken pieces into the garbage and rung out a coffee-filled hand towel into the sink.

 

“You alright?” He asked. Owlish eyes watched Chanyeol toss his phone across the counter.

 

“Just fine.”

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t convinced. Jongin inspected Chanyeol’s hands for injury.

 

“What happened?” Jongin was looking up a him, his puppy-eyes making Chanyeol weak. He was just like Kongju: he could make Chanyeol feel guilty with a single look.

 

“ _Yeah_ , Chanyeol. _What happened?”_ Kyungsoo asked, a slight mocking tone evident in his voice. He obviously had an inkling of suspicion and Chanyeol glared at him.

 

“Mind if we have a second?” Kyungsoo said to Jongin with a good-natured smile that set Chanyeol off-guard.

 

Jongin blinked at him and shyly smiled back. “Of course.”

 

He nodded at Kyungsoo before leaving to hide out in his room. Once he was out of earshot, Chanyeol let out a frustrated sigh and pressed his palms into his eyes.

 

“You were right, happy?”

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “Of course I’m not happy, dimwit.”

 

“I should've listened to you and Sehun.” Chanyeol’s throat was dry and his eyes were beginning to burn. He wasn’t going to cry. Not right in front of Kyungsoo. Not with Jongin in the other room.

 

“Too late for that, focus on the now.”

 

“Well, _now_ I've royally fucked things up. Baekhyun still wants to be friends somehow after driving _yet another_ stake through my heart, and Jongin’s still creeping his way into my love life. How do I go about telling him I'm still in love with my fucking ex?”

 

“So, you admit it.”

 

“Admit what?”

 

“That you're still in love with Baekhyun”

 

Chanyeol swiped his bangs off from where they stuck to the burning skin of his forehead. “So what?”

 

“So, the first step is getting him out of your head.”

 

“So I should just date Jongin.” Chanyeol snapped.

 

Kyungsoo's nostrils flared, “Don't pull Jongin’s feelings into this”

 

Chanyeol sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.“But I have to at least try right?”

 

Kyungsoo stared at him, his lips drawn, “Just don't hurt him.”

 

-

 

Taking Jongin to the coffeeshop that Jongdae worked at was, in retrospect, not the greatest idea Chanyeol’s ever had.

 

A pitcher of coffee crashed onto the ground where Jongdae stood, gaping at them. The manager barked at him, grabbed him by the collar, and tossed the mop into his hands. Chanyeol disguised his laughter as a cough.

 

Chanyeol and Jongin took a table close to the bar. _Close enough for Jongdae to get a good look at us together,_ Chanyeol thought as Jongdae leered at the couple from behind the espresso machine. The milk he was steaming bubbled viciously in the small metal basin.

 

Jongin sat forward in his seat and asked in a hushed tone, “do you know him?”

 

“Who?” Chanyeol looked away from Jongdae and flipped through the drink menu.

 

“The one that keeps glaring at us…He’s starting to creep me out.”

 

Chanyeol waved him off with a smile. “Don’t worry about him.”

 

As he spoke, Jongdae was rounding the counter and approaching their table. A notebook was curled in his fist, and a pen crushed between his teeth.

 

Jongdae smiled that fake ‘customer service’ smile of his, and tucked his pen into the pocket of his blue polo-shirt. “Chanyeol? Good to see you. This a friend of yours?”

 

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows, “Who, this? This is Jongin, my date for the afternoon.” Chanyeol looked over at his ‘date’ and beamed. The other’s face was the same shade of red as the retro table tops.

 

The notebook in Jongdae’s grasp looked ready to burst into shrapnel. “Well then, what can I get for you two?”

 

“Dark roast with cream, please,” Jongin said, a hand covered the redness of his face.

 

“Double Americano.”

 

“Be right back with those.” Jongdae ripped the menus from Chanyeol’s hands.

 

Jongin was looking sheepishly over at Chanyeol. The happiness that was radiating off of him gave Chanyeol an awful guilty feeling in his chest. Wasn’t he doing to Jongin what Baekhyun had done to him?

 

Jongdae returned to the table with a flourish. He set Chanyeol’s mug down with a thunk and moved to set Jongin’s down. In the middle of the motion, his wrist jerked too much to the left and the hot coffee spilt over Jongin’s blue jeans. Jongin sprung up, hissing at the pending burns. Jongdae sputtered apologies, though Chanyeol noticed the foxy glint in his eyes.

 

Once Jongin was behind the closed doors of the men’s room, Jongdae slipped into the seat across from Chanyeol. His smile dropped to a frown.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed.

 

Chanyeol leaned back in his chair placing his hands on the back of his neck, “Obviously, I’m on a date.”

 

“Baekhyun’s going to kill you.”

 

“We aren’t even together, besides he--”

 

Jongdae lit up. “You’re not?”

 

Chanyeol tensed. “We broke up years ago.”

 

“I thought you were back together. Baekhyun wouldn’t shut up about you. Plus he keeps blowing me off, claiming he doesn’t like our arrangement anymore.”

 

“Arrangement?”

 

Jongdae raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t know?”

 

“Am I supposed to?” Chanyeol thought he was going to throw-up.

 

Jongdae burst into laughter, his hands gripped the edge of the table, “I guess not, since you aren’t together.” He winked at Chanyeol.

 

The bathroom doors swung open and Jongin appeared, still wiping at the spot on his jeans. Jongdae gave Chanyeol a shit-eating grin before fleeing back behind the counter. When Jongin sat back down, Chanyeol couldn’t look him in the eye.

 

“Sorry about Jongdae” He said as he rummaged through his leather bag for his wallet. He slapped a few bills on the counter and got to his feet. “We should get out of here”

 

“Already?” Jongin narrowed his eyes at Chanyeol’s plastered-on smile.

 

“There’s a movie playing in a half hour. We can still make it, if you’re up for it?”

 

Chanyeol was lucky Jongin wasn’t much of an interpreter. But feigning interest became exhausting as Chanyeol pretended to be interested in Jongin’s chattering about dancing on the way to the movie. He didn’t mind when Jongin rested his head on his shoulder in the theatre, but it was difficult to maintain a smile when Jongin tried to intertwine their hands in the popcorn bowl.

 

Jongin was right here, waiting and hoping with a glimmer in his bright, hooded eyes. But Chanyeol saw the deepness of Baekhyun’s passionate brown eyes everywhere. He felt Baekhyun’s warmth in the blue scarf he had wrapped around his neck. He heard his raw and supple voice in each sing-a-long throughout the movie. He tasted him in the semi-sweet theatre chocolate that melted in thick waves over his tongue.

 

Jongin’s eyes watched Chanyeol, his tongue wet the plump of his lip, his forehead beaded with sweat. He was expecting something, this Chanyeol knew. But his mind was elsewhere, wondering what on earth Jongdae had meant by an “arrangement”. No matter how hard he tried to swallow down his nausea, he couldn’t stop the twisting sickness from encasing him.

 

-

 

It was the produce aisle in the grocery store where Chanyeol ran into Baekhyun. Chanyeol was rifling through unripe avocados when he spotted him. He was wearing his thick rectangle glasses that he usually reserved for his sick days and a worn-out, baggy, red and black plaid that Chanyeol recognized as his from all those years ago. The shirt was actually Chanyeol’s, and he had been looking for it for years.

 

When their eyes met, Baekhyun flinched. Then he straightened up, smoothed down his hair, and smiled.

 

“Hey, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said, and Chanyeol’s veins went alight. That stupid fucking smile of his.

 

“So you’re going out with Kim Jongin now?” The edges of Baekhyun’s smile faltered, he inspected the apple he held in his palm. “I’ve heard he’s a nice guy. Congratulations.”

 

“Did you fuck Jongdae?”

 

Baekhyun dropped the apple back into the bin and stared at Chanyeol. His mouth opened once, twice, then pressed together into a line and he looked away.

 

“Forget it,” Chanyeol said with a chuckle. “None of my business anyway”

 

“Don't Chanyeol,” whispered Baekhyun, his fists clenched at his sides. “Don't do this”

 

“Why can't it be me?”

 

Something seeped into Baekhyun's gaze. A fleeting, wistful, and lonely something that ripped through Chanyeol's chest. He pulled his jacket closed and turned on his heel.

 

As Chanyeol flew from the store, his phone buzzed in his pocket. A text. _Baekhyun_.

 

_It's always been you. That's the problem._

 

Chanyeol didn't respond.

 

Whatever it was that Baekhyun meant, Chanyeol didn't want to know.

 

-

 

Dust flared up Chanyeol’s nostrils, as he was sorting through records at his part-time job, causing him to sneeze and wobble on the frail ladder. A hand grabbed the base of the latter and held it in place.

 

“Need a hand?”

 

Chanyeol lopped his head to the side towards the voice. Jongin smiled up at him, albeit with a bit of a nervous twinkle in his eyes. Chanyeol breathed out a thanks and Jongin handed him the next record in the pile.

 

Chanyeol blew on the covering, “My boss is cheap you know, you won’t get payed for helping me out.”

 

“No need.” Jongin shrugged and handed him another.

 

“What brings you here?” Chanyeol brushed his index finger across the bumpy surface of the sorted records, checking the names for alphabetical order.

 

“Wanted to talk. When you have a minute.”

 

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. “Can it wait?”

 

“I wanted to tell you as soon as possible.”

 

Chanyeol stepped down from the ladder and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Alright, shoot.”

 

Jongin ducked his head, dodging Chanyeol's gaze. “I've fallen in love.”

 

Chanyeol placed a hand on Jongin's shoulder and sucked in a breath. “Listen, Jongin, I’m actually--”

 

“I'm in love with Kyungsoo.” Jongin piped, red in the face.

 

“Oh.” Chanyeol stared with parted lips. Did Kim Jongin, puppy-eyed and Chanyeol-crazy Kim Jongin, just reject _him_?

 

“I'm sorry, Chanyeol, but I don't think we should continue seeing each other. I'm going to pursue Kyungsoo more seriously from now on.”

 

“No, no that's great! Uh…Good luck!” Relief fell over him, and Chanyeol smiled his first real smile in weeks and patted Jongin's shoulder.

 

“Thank you.” Jongin grinned and, after giving Chanyeol a friendly hug, left the music store with a spring in his step.

 

Chanyeol sighed and leaned against the shelves. Jongin really wasn't for him, and Chanyeol knew this day would come, but couldn't help feeling shame and guilt slither beneath his skin.

 

Was his real reasoning for dating Jongin to make Baekhyun jealous? Probably.

 

Should he have broken it off weeks ago? Probably.

 

-

 

Snow sprinkled onto the ground and the tips of Chanyeol’s ears. December. The perfect time of year to be rejected not only once, but twice in just the first few days. Also the perfect time to finally put an end to this one-sided love affair with his ex-boyfriend.

 

He tugged up the rim of Baekhyun’s blue scarf to cover his mouth and breathed in its scent for what may be the last time, and sighed. The shoebox filled with all his memorabilia was clutched tightly by his gloved hands, and the case of his gifted guitar was strung over his shoulder.

 

He didn’t call Baekhyun beforehand, and wondered how weird it was going to be when Baekhyun discovered him outside of his apartment building, but he made a promise to himself the night before that this was it. It was finally time for closure.

 

He shifted the weight of the box into his left arm and his free finger hovered over the apartment buzzer. He took a long breath in, then pushed.

 

“Hello?” Baekhyun’s voice cracked through the speaker by the glass door.

 

Chanyeol paused, his words were drying up in his throat.

 

“Hey,” said Chanyeol, “can I talk to you?”

 

An ear-piercing blaring sound came from the speaker as the door unlocked and opened automatically. The trek up the three flights of stairs was longer than it ever had been before. Chanyeol felt his heart stuttering in his chest, his body grew warm under the layers he had bundled himself in.

 

The door to Baekhyun’s apartment was unlocked, and came open when he pushed against it. Baekhyun was still standing next to the intercom as Chanyeol entered the room. Chanyeol moved past him to the kitchen island, slid the guitar off his shoulder, and set down the shoebox.

 

“A gift?” said Baekhyun as a teasing grin strained across his face, his voice came out in a croak. “You shouldn’t have.”

 

“I’m returning these.” Chanyeol opened the shoebox and began unpacking all the treasures and memories he kept for so long: a rough draft of a love song, a small rilakkuma teddy, a wristwatch, a pair of yoda-printed socks.

 

“So now you want to return everything.” Baekhyun laughed dryly. He crossed the room and placed a hand over Chanyeol’s, stopping him from removing more items from the box.

 

“Those are yours,” he said, “keep them”

 

Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun, his lips pressed tightly together. The shorter man exhaled and stared back.

 

“No. I need to return these.” Chanyeol reminded himself to breathe. “Or I’ll never get you out of my head.”

 

Baekhyun looked away first.

 

Chanyeol unwrapped Baekhyun’s scarf from around his neck, “I’ve been in love with you all this time, and I’m finally done okay? I’m sorry I threw your stuff out of the window all those years ago, and I’m sorry I never could let you go.” He tossed the scarf to Baekhyun. “This is me finally getting closure.”

 

Baekhyun wasn’t looking at him. He picked at the running threads of the scarf in his hands and smoothed over the soft fabric with the tips of his fingers.

 

Tears were already welling up in Chanyeol’s eyes, he could feel them burning their way to the surface. His throat ached as he attempted to swallow down his distress. He bit down on his bottom lip and tilted his head downward to hide his eyes beneath his bangs.

 

This was it. From now on, Baekhyun was only going to be a sweet memory in the very depths of his mind.

 

“I did sleep with Jongdae.” Baekhyun whispered.

 

Chanyeol’s body went rigid and his eyes flicked up. Baekhyun lips turned down at the corners. He looked ashamed.

 

“I didn’t sleep with him while we were together. I met him in one of my classes, he recognized me from the cafe, and we hit it off. I broke up with you because I thought I was in love with him.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Chanyeol’s knees felt weak. He supported himself on the kitchen island.

 

“The sex was great, but I realized after awhile that it wasn’t love” Baekhyun stepped towards Chanyeol carefully, Chanyeol could hear the stuttering of his breath.

 

“I-I didn't know what to do…” Baekhyun said, his voice going quiet and a little rough. He was inches from Chanyeol now, but Chanyeol couldn't bring himself to move away.

 

“I made a mistake. I hurt you, and I couldn't bring myself to ask for you back. I'd only hurt you again.” Baekhyun's pupils were large and locked on Chanyeol's lips. He lifted the scarf over Chanyeol's head and wrapped it back snuggly around his neck, then he pushed Chanyeol's bangs off his forehead. Chanyeol trembled, unsure of where to look as Baekhyun crowded him into the counter.

 

“You told me you didn't love me.” Hot tears spilled over Chanyeol's cheeks. “You left me, I thought my heart was going to burst when I saw you again.”

 

Chanyeol fell into Baekhyun, his head pressed into his shoulder. Baekhyun's arms wrapped around his lanky body and squeezed.

 

“You keep breaking my heart over and over again.” Chanyeol sobbed. Baekhyun clutched him tighter.

 

“I know.”

 

“You keep running from me.”

 

“I know,” Baekhyun said again as Chanyeol crushed his nose into his neck. He sighed, “I’m really no good for you.”

 

“You really aren’t.” Chanyeol let out a sad laugh, his chest felt tight.

 

Baekhyun pulled back, his lips tilted up in a nervous smile, “I’m hopelessly in love with you and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

 

“Me too,” Chanyeol breathed.

 

“Where does that leave us?”

 

“Hopelessly in love together.”

 

“Chanyeol...I can’t ask for you to take me back. Not after all that I’ve put you through.”

 

“I’m not taking you back.” Chanyeol lips quirked up. “This could be our new beginning.”

 

-

 

Baekhyun pushed Chanyeol’s bangs off of his forehead as he thrust his pelvis forward. Chanyeol writhed beneath him with spread, quivering thighs, and his fists clinging to the bedspread.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Baekhyun whispered before thrusting again, slowly enough to drive Chanyeol insane.

 

“Baek--” Chanyeol gasped and shuddered. He pleaded with his eyes, but knew that Baekhyun wouldn’t give in until he begged for it.

 

Baekhyun’s fingers dusted across Chanyeol’s thighs. Exhilarating. His tongue ran across his lips. Intoxicating. Chanyeol struggled to breathe.

 

“Tell me what you want, Yeol.” Baekhyun swirled his hips around, plunging in deep before nearly slipping himself out.

 

Chanyeol bit down on his bottom lip, Baekhyun wasn’t making this easy.

 

“Come on, tell me.” Baekhyun leaned down to press a kiss to Chanyeol’s knee. Chanyeol’s heart burst.

 

“Do it,” Chanyeol said, his eyes glossing over and his chest heaving, “Fuck me”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes darkened as he shot Chanyeol and impish grin before driving into him. Chanyeol gasped and pulled at the sheets beneath him.

 

The beat of Baekhyun’s hips rocked Chanyeol into a delirious frenzy. His cock trembled between his legs, begging for attention. A whimper escaped his lips as Baekhyun’s hands fell dangerously close.

 

Sweat glistened across Baekhyun’s forehead, but his hips refused to slow. Instead, he pounded harder and drove deeper.

 

“Oh God, right there.” Chanyeol moaned and tossed his head to the side. Baekhyun’s hand fell to his crotch and gripped onto him, tugging in time with his thrusts.

 

One last twist of his wrist, and Chanyeol came undone into Baekhyun’s hand with a whine and a stutter of his hips. Baekhyun didn’t take long after, shuddering and bursting inside Chanyeol before sliding out and gasping for breath.

 

Seeing Baekhyun leaning back with sweat dripping down his chest, his hair sticking to his forehead, and a satiated half-smile tugging at his lips, gave Chanyeol butterflies. Shaking and whimpering, Chanyeol reached out to pull Baekhyun’s body against his chest.

 

“Yeol, it’s hard to breathe like this.”

 

“I’m sorry I just--I just needed to hold you.”

 

Baekhyun laughed into Chanyeol’s skin before he shifted up and attacked him with kisses along his collarbones.

 

“I love you,” said Baekhyun

 

“I know. I love me too,” said Chanyeol.

 

“You’re supposed to say ‘I love you too’, idiot”

 

-

 

The pastel blue park bench beneath them was worn and peeling, but to Chanyeol it was the best place in the world to be. Kongju’s leash was tied to the armrest and she hopped around and playfully nipped at the birds who had returned from their long winter’s travel.

 

Baekhyun laughed from his place beside Chanyeol as he watched Kongju topple over. His eyes held the glow of the morning along with the depth and warmth of the black coffee between Chanyeol’s hands.

 

He turned and caught Chanyeol’s gaze, then smiled that captivating smile that Chanyeol held in that safe space in his heart.

 

Chanyeol sheepishly placed his hand overtop of Baekhyun’s on the bench, feeling that giddy exhilaration that usually accompanies new love. Despite their history, this was different now. They were different now, and this love that harbored so many hardships was one that was here to stay.

 

With a hand cupping Chanyeol’s flushing cheek, Baekhyun leaned in and joined their lips together.

 

For once, everything felt just right.

 

 


End file.
